Saturday, May 25, 2013

Introducing Purell Instant Body Sanitizer

You know when you go out to dinner and somehow end up at one of those wings places? And then you eat a bunch of wings and you just feel like you need to take a shower afterwards? But you're in a restaurant so there's probably no place to actually take a shower? Or how about those times when you ride your bike to work and it's a hot summer day and it's all uphill, and you're wearing slacks and a button-up shirt because you're not quite committed enough to bike riding to actually have a separate outfit for the task? You know those times? And then you arrive at the office and you're just sopping, but also you think it's kind of weird to shower at work, so you're just stuck there feeling sweaty and uncomfortable? And what about those times when you pay a seemingly innocent visit to your sister-in-law's house, but then your adorable niece and nephew want to draw on your face with magic markers and toss a bunch of glitter in your hair, and they probably want to climb all over you too, and you spend the next five hours on edge and running for your life? Once again you find yourself beet red and drenched in sweat and glitter, but not in a position where it makes sense to put the rest of the day on hold to go take a shower. Man, we're really up a creek here, aren't we? Actually, not really. Thanks to my latest invention.

Actual size.

It's called Instant Body Sanitizer. It's like Instant Hand Sanitizer, but in a bigger bottle. Just find a quiet corner, preferably someplace out of sight, strip down, put a few squirts all over your body and lather up. You can get a friend to help you if you want. The key is to make sure you get a decent amount of sanitizer on every inch of your body. Don't worry, it dries fast but you'll want to rub it in. And just like that, you're all fresh and clean and ready to carry on with your business. No shower, no problem. Now that's convenience. Glad I could help.

Friday, May 10, 2013

There’s just something about German manila envelopes

We’ve all taken our share of wild rides on Wikipedia, but how many of yours have landed you here? I won’t go into detail as to how and why I found myself on a page dedicated to the manila envelope (that would bore you more than this blog post likely already will), but it happened, and here we are.

Everything seemed normal...

The thing that first caught my attention (besides learning that the envelopes are traditionally beige but sometimes other colors are used to differentiate categories of files), was the choice of envelopes they selected for the picture. A casual glance shows a pair of humble envelopes that look like the kind you’d use to send interoffice mail. These are, like most manila envelopes, beige in color. They also appear to contain little boxes where presumably you'd write down the intended recipient’s name, perhaps the name of sender and also the date.


This all seemed pretty standard, but then I saw the caption. It reads: “Two manila envelopes from Germany.” My jaw dropped to the floor. I’ve seen regular ol’ manila envelopes before, but I’m quite certain I’ve never seen the ones from Germany. It all felt very surreal, but also super exciting. Like I was sneaking into a museum or something. More than anything I felt blessed by the experience. That by some crazy twist of fate I had stumbled across these German manila envelopes. It was a moment I’ll never forget.