Monday, December 28, 2009

Reader Challenge: Create an alternate title for Hot Tub Time Machine

Like many Americans, I spent part of my Christmas day at the movies. We decided to see Sherlock Holmes. Pretty decent flick, but what really stuck with me after I left the theater was the preview they showed for the upcoming film Hot Tub Time Machine. Yes, that's the actual title of the movie. Amazing! It sounds so outlandish, but it makes perfect sense. The movie is about a group of dudes who use a hot tub to travel back in time. What other name could you possibly give this thing other than Hot Tub Time Machine? I don't know. I don't even know if I love it or hate it. But that, my friends, is your new assignment. Here's the trailer:

Hey isn't that John Cusack? Well, this is clearly our most difficult Reader Challenge to date. I'll throw a few ideas out here just to get the juices flowing.

Hot Tub Time Machine alternate titles:
  1. Jacuzzi Leap
  2. Rub-a-Dub-DOH!
  3. Drawing a Bath to the Future
Now it's your turn. Please post your ideas in the comments section. Whoever provides the winning entry will receive a six-pack of Diet Rite.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Is this really you?

Our friends at Yahoo! have reinvented themselves with a new ad campaign, and apparently a new service that lets you, yes you, control the NET. This is exciting stuff. Well, until you look at the people they chose to represent you. Let's take a closer look at you, through the eyes of Yahoo!

Do you like to skateboard? Shirtless, in swim trunks, after you just finished working out at Muscle Beach? And will you still be kick-flipping at the ripe age of 50? Something tells me this isn't the sk8er boi Avril Lavigne was referring to.

If this truly is you, I think I want to punch you in the face.

What the **** are you wearing? Did you just raid a free bin? I feel embarrassed for your pit bull.

Is this how you react when you check your email? I hate to be the person to tell you this, but you didn't really win a prize from Megafortune Lottery International.

You are giving me plenty of reason not to have kids.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

A true story of natural flavor, and other natural flavors

To an outside observer my life might appear perfect, but let me assure you it’s not. You see, I love snacks. Love them. Don’t worry, this isn’t about my weight (I’m as thin and wispy as Slim Jim himself). It has more to do with supply and demand. It seems no matter how many snack items I stock up on there’s never enough finger-food to last the entire work week. That’s why this week I decided to go with Triscuits. Is there any heartier cracker on the face of the earth? No, I don’t think so. Eating a Triscuit is like munching on a tree trunk. These are strong crackers. Of course with all that added stability you’re sacrificing a bit in the way of flavor, or are you

The packaging read “Quattro Formaggio” (that’s Italian for 4-cheese snack cracker). Without hesitation I tossed the box into my reusable grocery sack and moved to the checkout aisle. Could these Triscuits… these baked whole grain wheat crackers possibly satisfy my cravings for a full week? And what of the multiple cheeses? Could this inspired recipe bring forth an explosion of flavor previously unavailable to those who walked similarly wheaty cracker paths? And are Triscuits really made in Italy?

These and other questions clouded my vision as the cashier rang up the sale, but through the haze something caught my eye. There was a note on the box, something I hadn’t noticed before. In all caps, for all the world to see, right there in the center of the package the following words were written: NATURAL FLAVOR WITH OTHER NATURAL FLAVORS.

The message rang loud and clear. There was a combination of flavors at play, to be sure. Yes, the four cheeses of course. But also natural flavor, as well as other natural flavors. I hurried home and went to sleep well before my bedtime, hoping with all hope that the night would race by, bringing me that much closer to the remarkable natural flavors contained within each wondrous Triscuit.

I won’t lie, I had a hard time sleeping that night. But like clockwork, morning did eventually come. To the sweet whistle of a blue bird I hopped out of bed, already in my work clothes, and raced to the bus stop with cracker box in hand. When I arrived at the office the faces of my workmates lit up like fluorescent bulbs. They were happy, not only to see me, but also my Quattro Formaggio Triscuits. Surely with the additional natural flavors packed into these crackers I’d be able to spare one or two, right?...

Wrong! I devoured the entire box within minutes of my arrival. They tasted pretty much like ordinary Triscuits, but I was really hungry.