When you own an outdated television set that only picks up three channels, every show gets placed under the microscope. This week I've decided to direct my gaze at How I Met Your Mother. And by "direct my gaze" I mean recognize that the show exists and pass judgment without having ever seen it.
So let's get started! OK, well, from what I can gather this show is all about a father sitting down and telling his children the story of how he met their mother. As he's recounting this story at their bedside, actors recreate momentous scenes from the courtship on screen. Unfortunately this seemingly innocent premise has a tremendous flaw: It's not sustainable. Think about it, this show is mathematically impossible.
Let me explain. So How I Met My Mother is in, what, its 7th season now? Say there are, oh I don't know, 20 episodes per season, and each episode is 30 minutes long. So that means each season technically covers 10 hours. Multiply that by 7 seasons and now we're talking about 70 hours of show all together. 70 hours! That's a seriously epic bedtime story this father is telling his kids. Are you picking up what I'm putting down?! At this point, the father in How I Met Your Mother has literally kept his kids up for 70 straight hours telling this story! Who can sustain a story for that long? Bill Cosby? Maybe? I'm pretty sure Bill Cosby is not the narrator in How I Met Your Mother, and even if he was I still doubt the kids would stay awake for the entire story. Yeah, no, this show just doesn't add up. Sorry folks. I ain't buyin' it.