Recommended: Frosty in HD

Great news! CBS is showing Frosty the Snowman this Friday in stunning High Definition. The enhanced version really makes a difference.

Standard Definition:

HD:

Loose Meat Mary

What they want you to drink.

These days you can’t shake a beef stick without hitting some highfalutin restaurant that’s spicing up their Bloody Marys with slabs of cured meat. Bacon, prosciutto, salami, all are now popular choices when it comes to Bloody Mary accoutrements. And while it may sound strange, drinkable meat isn’t going away anytime soon.

So I figured I might as well come up with my own recipe, and frankly I’m stunned no one else beat me to the punch on this one. Ladies and gentlemen, dear readers of Erasable Pen, please allow me to introduce you to the Loose Meat Mary.

What I want you to drink.

All the glory of a high-end Bloody Mary, but instead of the usual slab of bacon or prosciutto alongside your celery stalk, mine comes with floating grey pebbles of chewy ground beef.

You’re very welcome.

The best ham, maybe ever

Well, tomorrow's Easter Sunday and I've chosen my ham. Yeah, I know, I could've gone for the sure thing. But this year I decided to roll the dice. The way I see it, this could be the best ham I'll ever taste. I mean, there is that possibility. At worst it's just another ham. I'm not saying my hopes aren't high, I'm expecting the best. But this ham doesn't owe me anything, you know? Just the prospect that it may be the best. Who knows how things will turn out in the end, but at least there's hope, and isn't that all we can really ask for?

That guy with the plain grey hat

It's a sunny Wednesday afternoon and man do I look good. So good in fact that I'm just gonna stroll down University Way and see if I can draw the attention of some sumptuous coeds. I've got my blue jeans on, my work boots, v-neck sweater, and to top it all off, my secret weapon - the plain grey ball cap. I'm telling you son, you put on a plain grey hat and the girls just melt.

Oh, here we are, strolling by the student center coffee shop. Check it out. This girl could have any guy on campus, but guess what? I'm the only dude wearing a plain grey hat, and you know what that means. It. Is. On.

I'm just gonna do my thing here. Watch this. I'm not even gonna look at her. I'm just gonna stare straight ahead and keep smiling. She won't soon forget this guy. Just you wait. An hour from now she'll be back at the sorority house describing me and my awesome hat to all her sisters.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

Adventures in Food Packaging: Folgers Motor Oil

Real men buy their coffee at AutoZone.

Have you seen the canisters they're selling Folgers crystals in these days? I don't know what I'm buying anymore. Is it coffee or lubricant for my automobile? Why's everything in life gotta be so confusing?

Hmmm, Rich Pure Taste or Smooth Pour Bottle?

Screw it, I'm goin' with the Synthetic Blend.

We have a winner!

Last week as part of our highly popular Reader Challenge series, we asked the Erasable Pen faithful to help us answer a very difficult question: What on earth does Wikipedia programmer Brandon Harris Want?

The results are in and I'm pleased to announce there's a winner amongst us! Drum roll please...

It's our old friend Concrete Tomato! Here's CT's response:

Legs

That's a winning response if I've ever seen one. I mean, just think about it. Congratulations CT! You're now the proud owner of a $25 Sam Goody gift card. Good luck using it.

Before we all move on with our lives I'd also like to give props to our runner-up, Aaron, who fell just short of victory. Aaron's answer?

Oh! So close! Keep your chin up son. There's always next time.

Reader Challenge: What does Wikipedia programmer Brandon Harris really want?

Loyal followers of Erasable Pen will know that exactly a year ago we conducted a Reader Challenge almost identical to this one, when Wikipedia Founder Jimmy Wales made his much ballyhooed personal appeal to the masses. Well, this year, Mr. Wales has handed the baton to his programmer Brandon Harris, and once again we're left to wonder what the f*ck these people want.

Instead of following the Wikipedia link to answer this question though, we'd rather hear what you have to say. So, what do YOU think Wikipedia programmer Brandon Harris wants out of this deal? I'll kick things off with my own personal opinion:

I think Brandon Harris wants us to help him complete his collection of Star Wars books from Timothy Zahn's New Jedi Order series.

But that's just my opinion. Now it's time for you to weigh in. Use the comments section to tell us what Wikipedia programmer Brandon Harris is angling for, and we'll use modern science to determine if you're right. Whoever has the most accurate response will win a $25 gift certificate to Sam Goody. OK, ready? Let's do this.